So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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