I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
