making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
