I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
