I'm jealous of your bromance
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he shaved USA in his pubs
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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