So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
