yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
