let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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