i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
