sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
