Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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