She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
