yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
