I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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