I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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