i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
