Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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