so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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