As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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