Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
