Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
