when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
