I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
