my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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