i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
