I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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