haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just cut my nipple shaving
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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