i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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