I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Less talking, more tequila
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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