my mouth tastes like poor choices
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
