she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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