just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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