I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
