The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
