I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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