I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
