i jhust puked up my retainher.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
