3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
