So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
