Umm I'm too high to move.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
