not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The adults are the big ones right?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
