my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
