I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
