Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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