It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
