I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
