I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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