Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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