Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
