Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
