1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
