so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
