I am spending my child support on dildos
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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