On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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