...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
