he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
pray to the hookup gods
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
