I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My dick has a subreddit
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
