my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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