we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
