There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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