i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
