I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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