Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
