you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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