you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
