woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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