she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
