how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
