I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
